Your mouth is God's brothel.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
