Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
