Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I only lived at night.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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