the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
