her vagine was all disorganized.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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