Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
