i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
