I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
