I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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