About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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