Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
