Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
