Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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