my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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