She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
