drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
