I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
