I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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