apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
