She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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