I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
