didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think your dad took our porno
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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