watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
