umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
