just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
