Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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