The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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