He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
