Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
