I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
