you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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