My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
