turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
