smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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