when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
