What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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