I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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