you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
