im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
