sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
