so that wasnt chicken after all
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
