I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he thought i was a dude.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
