Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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