just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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