Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
