I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
