if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
