bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
