So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
