Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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