Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
